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Lesson 4: The art of listening

What is effective listening?

One unique method for active listening is called dadirri or deep listening. Dadirri, is a word from the Ngan’gikurunggurr and Ngen’giwumirri languages of the Aboriginal people of the Daly River region, in Austrailia All First Nations have their own word for meditation, deep listening, knowing and reflecting.

Deep listening, or dadirri, is an inner, quiet, still awareness, or waiting that anyone can use.  As previously discussed, storytelling has been in Indigenous cultures for centuries which meant that information was passed along orally instead of through writing. As previously discussed, storytelling has been in Indigenous cultures for centuries which meant that information was passed along orally instead of through writing. There is a beautiful expression in Australia that is “can they bend the knees?” which translates can you sit down and truly listen^[1].

Aboriginal writer and senior elder Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr-Baumann describes deep listening as follows:

“Dadirri is inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness. Dadirri recognises the deep spring that is inside us. We call on it and it calls to us. This is the gift that Australia is thirsting for. It is something like what you call ‘contemplation'”^[2]‘.

The practice of dadirri is to listen and learn – not by asking questions but by watching, listening, waiting and then responding.

According to Ungunmerr-Baumann “Dadirri also means awareness of where you’ve come from, why you are here, where are you going now and where you belong. It can be used as a tool to quieten the mind as it teaches about “the quiet stillness and the waiting,”

Watch the following video by Bauman about deep listening. It is important to turn the closed captioning on as it may be difficult to hear at times in the video.

[Youtube]. (2023, April 27). Miriam Rose Ungunmerr Bauman [Video]. Youtube.com. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQnGaNMmOP0

Is there a difference between listening and hearing?

It may be strange to find out but there is a difference between hearing and listening.

Hear = hear sound

Listen = understand sounds

Essentially the key difference is that hearing is passive, involuntary and requires no effort on the part of the listener. Listening is active, requires focused attention and is a voluntary act that we chose to engage in. Being an active listener is an integral part of communication as it allows you to take in and process information when communicating with others.

Another integral part of communication emotions. When dealing with another’s emotions we need to think about why we want to change the other person. It is important to think about what emotion you are trying to change or minimize when having a conversation.

How can you read emotions or non-verbal communication?

Look at the chart below to see some of the indicators or behaviors’ that someone might show.

As a manager you need to be aware that all emotions have a purpose and that they are designed to give us information. These emotional messages bring our attention to what a person is saying with their body and not their words.

These emotion messages get through to us in three different ways, through –

• our body (physical sensations),
• our minds (thoughts, memories, imagination)
• our behaviour (urges and actions).
  • We call this the emotion triangle.

Collaboration and preconceived notions at work

Read the following two articles below.

Over Half of Indigenous Peoples in Canada are On Guard to Experiences of Bias Indigenous inclusion at work is more than just representation

Indigenous inclusion at work is more than just representation

“The land knows you even when you are lost.”

Robin Wall Kimmerer in Braiding Sweetgrass^[3]

How emotions can affect our ability to listen

Did you know that in Inuit culture an angry person does not raise their voice. They do not engage in pushing or violence or range.

Rather, they take a walk.

They will begin walking across the landscape with a stick, and they walk until their anger has ceased or stopped raging inside them. Once the anger has cooled inside of them they drive the stick into the ground as a marker. Then they walk back to the community with an open mind and heart.

I am a furnace in the snow.

I have been given my anger-stick

and told to go plant it

where and when my flames

have turned to embers

and so I walk

past my people who know

            to look away. I walk

past the Place of Drying Fish,

past the Place of Catching Fish,

past the Place of the Seals who do not know

            to look away. I walk

beyond the place called The End of Places

until the heat spills from my eyes.

Here I drive the stick into

the yielding snow and

turn to face the cold

walk home.

-Kennaway, Lydia. (n.a) INUIT ANGER WALK (FROM A HISTORY OF WALKING)

Often in Westernized culture people are told to surpress or push their emotions down inside themselves. Not sharing any emotions except ‘nice’ ones can often lead people to explode or burst with anger when they feel they have an opportunity to pour them out.

Being able to label an emotion – not as good or bad – but rather an emotion can allow you to hold a neutral space when communicating with others. Feelings are messengers and will be present in any conversation. However, if you chose to no listen or acknowledge emotions, they may leak out in unhealthy ways and create a conflict that did not need to occur.

Instead of trying to avoid an argument or debate, try acknowledging the emotion that you may be feeling. Or use open-ended questions to help the other person identify the emotion they are feeling and how it could affect the conversation.

According to author Treasure (2020), “If you want to defuse an argument, the best way is to stop speaking and start listening. This is worth knowing because we all experience strong emotions sometimes. Negative emotions such as sadness, anger, or personal dislike filter what you hear so that it matches your mood. They can even distract you from listening at all. Other people may read or sense your state and censor themselves, or struggle to communicate.”

DEAR MAN Method

Let’s look at some methods for de-escalating an emotional situation.

Describe – use clear and concrete terms to describe what you want from the listener;

Don’t say: Could you calm down?

Do say: Could you please lower your voice and sit back down in the chair?

Express – tell others how a situation makes you feel by clearly expressing your feelings;

Don’t expect others to read your mind;

Instead of saying “I feel scared”, try saying “ I feel scared because you have raised your voice and are standing over me.”

Assert – Say what you want to say and don’t use coded phrases.

Don’t say: “Oh, well, I don’t know if I can meet with you today;”

Do say: “I won’t be able to meet with you today because I’m in meetings all day.”

Reinforce – reinforce your desired outcome;

This can be as simple as a smile and a “thank you.”

Mindful – Don’t become distracted by objectives or interruptions as it can be easy to get sidetracked into harmful arguments and lose focus.

Try “Let’s circle back to the main idea.”

Appear – Confidence is key so think about your posture, tone, eye contact, and body language.

Negotiate – Nothing is perfect so be and neither are our interactions all the time. Be open to negotiation.

Journal Entry Evaluation Rubric 

References

1. Korff, J 2023, Deep listening (dadirri), <https://www.creativespirits.info/aboriginalculture/education/deep-listening-dadirri>, retrieved 26 April 2023
2. Moore, D. (2022, September 14). Indigenous inclusion at work is more than just representation – it’s reconciliation. The Globe and Mail. Retrieved April 26, 2023, from https://www.theglobeandmail.com/business/article-how-to-build-a-more-inclusive-workplace-for-indigenous-people/
3. Over half of indigenous peoples in Canada are on guard to experiences of bias (media release). Catalyst. (2021, September 20). Retrieved April 26, 2023, from https://www.catalyst.org/media-release/indigenous-canada-bias/
4. Treasure, J. (n.d.). The emotional barriers to listening. Julian Treasure. Retrieved April 26, 2023, from https://www.juliantreasure.com/blog/emotional-barriers-listening#:~:text=Negative%20emotions%20such%20as%20sadness,themselves%2C%20or%20struggle%20to%20communicate.