65

Lesson 3: Active listening

Are you listening?

Listening is vital to communication in that it allows us to verify and validate what someone else has said. Have you ever had a conversation with someone who was there in body but not in mind? How did you know that they were not listening? Did you find it frustrating?

Ineffective or poor communicators think that listening is simply waiting for their turn to speak. In their head, they are crafting a response without actually ‘hearing’ what the other person is saying. Listening is a skill that takes time and energy to practice on a daily basis. Listening allows us to provide someone with the chance to share their ideas, thoughts and feelings and build a trusting relationship with someone that will last long term.

Even though it is human nature to want to intervene or interrupt someone, allowing someone the space and time to get their thoughts out can often be helpful. Allowing someone to talk freely gives the opportunity for them to work through problems and space to vocalize what is going on in their own heads.

How can you switch from an inattentive to more attentive listener?

Follow the tips below.

1. Reduce the noise. – Use noise reducing verbal and non-verbal signals to encourage the person to keep talking. Nodding your head, smiling, and providing short responses like “I see” are small unobtrusive ways to encourage someone to continue talking.
2. Silence is ok. – Often we feel uncomfortable in silence but it is ok to give people some time and energy to collect their thoughts. Try counting in your head 1-2-3-4-5 before interrupting the silence.
3. Let them express their thoughts. – Sometimes people will seem like they are rambling so much that it is difficult to get any words into the conversation. This may simply be an indicator that they are desperate to be heard – especially when someone is angry, upset or needs to work through a problem. Keeping silent and allowing someone to clear their head can allow for them to ‘unvent’ and clear up space for a real conversation to begin.
4. Don’t interrupt. – This is the hardest for most people and often takes the most practice. Interrupting often can feel like human nature but it can cause noise and often cause the other person to forget their train of thought.

Why is it so important to listen?

There are dangers to not listening to someone. By interrupting or trying to talk over someone you could be creating a hostile or difficult situation. When people feel that they are not being listened to they can often begin talking louder which can lead to other angry emotions or outcomes. Simply providing the space for listening can help to de-escalate a situation that could have easily become out of control.

Talking without words

As discussed earlier, communication can take on many shapes and forms – including non-verbal. Our body language or non-verbal communication can play a large role in how others view us and what we are trying to say.

For example, you are talking to someone and they suddenly cross and their arms and stop smiling. What could that mean? You may be wondering if they are unhappy about you or something you said. Non-verbal communication can be a great way to communicate with others without having to say anything.

Play the game below to see how well you can read non-verbal communication.

“Humankind has not woven the web of life.
We are but one thread within it.
Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.
All things are bound together.
All things connect.”
Chief Seattle, 1854

Workplace Gossip_ What Crosses the Line_

Shift responses vs. Support responses

Response shift may be a term you have not heard of before but it occurs when we, or someone else, diverts the conversation to ourselves (or themselves) often unintentionally. Shift responses can occur without realizing that we are ‘shifting’ the conversation back towards ourselves.

Here is an example of a shift response.

Client: I have had the worst backpain for days.

You: I have had backpain for months now.

Shift opportunity is the opportunity for someone to talk about their feelings or grab the attention of the other person.

Support response is the type of response you want to provide as a manager. This type of response allows you to focus your attention on what the other person is saying and seek more information and understand the other person better. Support responses are used to show interest and grow the conversation in a positive direction.

Here is an example of a support response.

Client: I have had the worst backpain for days.

You: What happened? Did you injure yourself?

By making your responses into phrases you are showing that you are engaged and you are maintaining the focus on the person.

Example One

Ann: I’m so busy right now.

You: Me, too. I’m totally overwhelmed.

Re-written

Ann: I’m so busy right now.

You: ______________________________________________

Example Two

Karen: I need new shoes.

You: Me, too. These things are falling apart.

Re-written

Karen: I need new shoes.

You: ______________________________________________

Example Three

Sam: My leg hurts so bad.

You: Ugh, I wish only my leg hurt.

Re-written

Karen: My leg hurts so bad.

You: ______________________________________________

Journal Entry Evaluation Rubric 

References

Wilkie, D. (2019, August 16). Workplace gossip: What crosses the line? SHRM. Retrieved April 25, 2023, from https://www.shrm.org/resourcesandtools/hr-topics/employee-relations/pages/office-gossip-policies.aspx